About Baby Language

If you don’t feel an intense surge of love for your new baby, don’t worry - you are not alone.

Bonding between parents and babies is complicated and frequently needs time to develop. It is completely natural to feel this way - in fact various studies undertaken have shown that 1/4 of women have no feeling for their new born babies. Many new mums admit later in life to have had feelings of indifference or even dislike for their baby but failed to admit to it at the time for fear of appearing “unnatural”. If you should happen to feel this way you are not abnormal or inadequate.

There are a number of reasons you may feel a lack of feeling for your infant .

• Your baby might be lovely, but just like when you meet people for the 1st time, you don’t always feel a natural bond with them. Bonding isn’t something you can make occur.
• You might be exhausted. See mom planner for beneficial ideas.
• You might be very emotional due to hormonal changes.
• You might be unsure of your parenting skills and feel inadequate or are lacking in confidence.
• You might be anaemic.
• Your baby may be very demanding or sick.
• The birth might have been traumatic or you may be suffering from physical complications related to the birth.
• You might have been looking forward to the birth for months and are disappointed that you do not feel an immediate love for your baby when you “were sure” you would.
• You might have mixed feelings about being a parent.

Ways to help

• Looking back on their baby’s first year most mothers realise that a true bond (not that oh my god you’re beautiful feeling) develops over time through providing on-going baby care. So take care of your baby’s basic needs; hug and kiss her constantly and bonding will occur in its own time. It is important not to worry.
• If you are more relaxed you are going to be able to spend more special time with your baby without constantly stressing about what needs to be done. The never-ending cycle of housework, laundry and preparing meals is draining not to mention the exhaustion felt from not getting sufficient sleep. Let people know how you are feeling and ask for help - partners, friends and family - whoever is willing to give a hand.
• Get support. Look at joining a forum or join a playgroup so you are able to talk to other moms. This is going to help you realize what you are feeling is completely normal and there is absolutely no need to feel guilty.
• Speak with a health professional or paediatrician. They’re used to moms feeling like this and can provide ideas about the best way to bond with your baby.
• Do not stress. Do not be concerned. It just takes time .

Remember there’s no exact time line for bonding. Over time , as you get to know your baby and enjoy her company, your feelings will naturally deepen. Do not be amazed if one day you look at your baby and realize you are absolutely full of love for her.

Ngaire Moulds, mother of 4, has 20 years ‘ experience bringing up children. Having had 4 children under 5 and now the mother of 4 teenagers she has experienced the highs and lows of raising babies, toddlers and teenagers. As her children became more independent she gained childcare qualifications, worked for several years in this field and is in the midst of writing a book. Visit her internet site routines for babies for practical ideas on subjects like sleep training for babies , feeding schedules and finding time for yourself.

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